Hello All,

I have held strong!  I have WANTED to CHEAT SOOOO BADLY!  But, I am proud to say that I have held strong!  I have decided that on Thursday, even though it’s only the 29th, I am going go to dinner with my boyfriend.  I have a design call about an hours drive away and it’s kind of in the middle of nowhere and that just happens to be in a location of one of our favorite Mexican places!  I am excited, however, I know really understand what they mean in the book (It Starts With Food) when they say that we are emotionally addicted to food because of the way it makes us feel.  I thought BS when I read that but now that I am struggling because I have been so low on energy I find myself CRAVING certain foods.  When I imagine these foods I have realized that I associate a specific feeling with each food.  Mostly COMFORT!  Literally, I realized this yesterday when I was thinking about these amazing potato skins and I had this image of me eating them and it wasn’t as much about the taste as it was what the taste provoked inside of me.  At the beginning of all of this I thought “No, I eat the bad shit because it tastes amazing, not because it triggers some shit in my brain to make me feel good.”

This experiment has been SO eye opening!  I have learned so much about what smoking does inside of my body; I don’t have to or need to smoke; I have a shit ton of willpower; sweetener either natural or fake is everywhere; what I eat and put into my body dictates how my body absorbs my medications; food is directly related to my emotions; I know that I have shed some LBS; I have learned a lot of other shit I am sure- even if I haven’t realized it just yet.

The last few days:

Saturday I felt like shit and as the day went on I got more energy

Sunday I felt a bit better than Saturday

Monday I felt the best out of the 3 days

Today I have been just tired and super low energy

Energy- LOW

Mood- up and down a bit irritable

Mental clarity- not terrible but not great

Overall, I’m getting there, but, I still have a long ways to go.  My goal is to know my body and works for it and what doesn’t. I want to see how healthy I can be 🙂

As always- FUCK YOU CANCER!  Lord I pray for strength and energy to push through all of the obstacles.  Thank you Father.