Time for confessions! For whatever reason I have had very little to no willpower! Yesterday I set out a pumpkin pie to just throw out. Well, after I had a glass or 2 of wine I started eating it straight out of the pie dish! What did I do today? I had all of the best intentions in the world to start fresh today. That did not happen. Instead I worked on my homework all day with the idea of going to yoga in my mind. Well, when B (my boyfriend) got home from his adventures he brought up the idea of getting some takeout Mexican food for dinner. I wasn’t even really hungry. At first I said no but then I let his dejected response get to me and I gave in. That sounds like I put up some sort of a fight, but, in reality I actually gave in pretty fast. Now, I am wishing that I hadn’t given in and I am feeling like a heffer. I am really beginning to see and understand that food really is emotional for me. When I eat well I feel better about myself and the longer I do it the less I desire the bad shit. When I eat the shitty stuff I feel disappointed in myself, fat, sluggish, tired, a bit down. It is obvious to see that eating good= happy and healthy, while, eating bad = depressed and unhealthy. If only it were that easy to do. The last 2 months were so easy to stick to in comparison to falling off the wagon and having to start all over. It has now been a week of me struggling to wrap my head around getting back on track. I need to get it out of my head that I can have all the freedom I want until the LID starts on the 11th. As I type right now I still have the idea stuck in my head.
Other things I have noticed since my fattastic leap into the fat farm:
pissing out of my ass- 😦
Feeling super fat
Feeling disappointed in myself
The last 3 on the list probably are the cause of the severe irritation- and my period isn’t helping.