Hello All,

Time for confessions!  For whatever reason I have had very little to no willpower!  Yesterday I set out a pumpkin pie to just throw out.  Well, after I had a glass or 2 of wine I started eating it straight out of the pie dish!  What did I do today?  I had all of the best intentions in the world to start fresh today.  That did not happen.  Instead I worked on my homework all day with the idea of going to yoga in my mind.  Well, when B (my boyfriend) got home from his adventures he brought up the idea of getting some takeout Mexican food for dinner.  I wasn’t even really hungry.  At first I said no but then I let his dejected response get to me and I gave in.  That sounds like I put up some sort of a fight, but, in reality I actually gave in pretty fast.  Now, I am wishing that I hadn’t given in and I am feeling like a heffer.  I am really beginning to see and understand that food really is emotional for me.  When I eat well I feel better about myself and the longer I do it the less I desire the bad shit.  When I eat the shitty stuff I feel disappointed in myself, fat, sluggish, tired, a bit down.  It is obvious to see that eating good= happy and healthy, while, eating bad = depressed and unhealthy.  If only it were that easy to do.  The last 2 months were so easy to stick to in comparison to falling off the wagon and having to start all over.  It has now been a week of me struggling to wrap my head around getting back on track.  I need to get it out of my head that I can have all the freedom I want until the LID starts on the 11th.  As I type right now I still have the idea stuck in my head.

Other things I have noticed since my fattastic leap into the fat farm:

Severe irritation

pissing out of my ass- 😦

Feeling super fat

Feeling disappointed in myself

The last 3 on the list probably are the cause of the severe irritation- and my period isn’t helping.

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